just like that!!!

To scribble out of delight or frusturation or to vent out the inner turmoil is a stupid thing to do...i know..yet i m tempted to do so....who knows something might come out which can steer me out of this mess which can't be named or put into words...even if tried it would b a total failure..becoz explanation is not the explained and symbol is just a symbol and not the truth itself...sorry i just deviated a bit....friends, foes and enemies there is constant state of conflict within me all the time...to feel bad after u didn't do well in a written exam is appropriate..but to know where u went wrong is something impossible to understand after u have put in all the efforts... to love somebody ...whom u can't ask for being your life partner becoz of your own definition or idea of love or becoz of so many other factors like society, family, friends , parents, and so on so forth is a real mess u can be in...that too when the other person is as mysterious as the clouds in rainy season in mumbai..u just can't know wht she wants....to chalk out a plan for your career is vene more difficult..when i ask i myself "wht i wanna do in my life"..the answer is always ambiguous...deep down i feel i wanna do everything or just plain nothing....staring thru the windows...looking deep into the open sky..and wondering wht the hell is the purpose of my existence...why at all this conflict?..may be no purpose at all..but again it appears a sheer stupidity..we always feel there should be some purpose....a purpose created and desired by us..but the is there any purpose without me being in the picture...i mean the purpose , the goal and targets are individual things...but does this existence has anything to do with that?..why at all this struggle every moment?. to do smoehing?..to become somebody?... and why can't i love...sometimes i feel like..i m the most lonely man on this planet...it has its moments of beauty as well as utter helplessness also.....but mostly its always oscillating between the crest and trough of existence...
for me...i m always searching for something..wht?..i dunno myself....but there is almost a never ending quest or u can call discontent....wht for?....may be i want the whole world....may be i duuno wht to do..may be i can't accept the fact that i m just an owl...and nothing special....i m just i m ....
but then....to love when it can be lost, to go on when progress seems futile...and to believe with every fibre in your body to hope ..to live..and to never give in..is wht life is all about.....

ciaooo.............let sanity prevail....and keep hoping against all hopes...even if we don't..we will..its inevitable!!!