The mind is quiet after a violence that was not understood when it happened. The serious and superficial occupations of our own existence, and the web of complex feelings and cunning tricks of our minds...and i am there trapped in. To be honest requires a tremendous attention to every thought and feelings. Most often than not i find while observing myself that i really never think, i either imagine or feel. When emptied of all thoughts and feelings, the mind is quiet and vulnerable, there is nothing to latch on to. You feel the utter loneliness, a complete sense of emptiness, and falsity of your own self created image. The urge to control and acquire security(material as well as psychological) leads to division and hypocrisy. When i look deep down into myself, i find that i am nothing apart from my desires, whims, fancies, hatred, anger, attachments, lust, hypocrisy. And that is wht makes me restless...i cannot accept it as a truth.The truth is we all are absolutely alone. We seek security and fullfillment through one occupation or the other, through one human being or the other. We drink, we smoke, we fight, we hate,...we need to be occupied, or face the emptiness, the so called boredom. The titilation of nerves, the desire for pleasure or avoidance of pain ..all this makes us work. At least for me, it seems i am incapable of love..i really don't love anything or any human being..just a barren existence...with no colors...granite in place of heart. The insesitivity is dominant..i am just dead or too sensitive. I am afraid, insecure...and alone at heart. And that is truth of the moment.
....!!
Groping
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3 comments:
there is no room for me to respond. Everthing you said tends to be assertive and justified in your own philosophical circle. For better or for worse, we all are justified likewise. There is one difference, I have given up my attempts of looking into my self. cheers!
there is no room for me to respond. Everthing you said tends to be assertive and justified in your own philosophical circle. For better or for worse, we all are justified likewise. There is one difference, I have given up my attempts of looking into my self. cheers!
thnks!!.. At least you have responded. Really i don't believe in justifying..It leads nowhere. I think, it is either a sense of exhaustion or a sense of better living that has resulted into your giving up attempts of looking into your self... anyways just went thru your blog..nice one..And for sure you are taking time and energy to write so well..keep on the good work..
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